I understand that being a parent has its ups and down, good times and bad, and challenges and easy street moments. Some days, it can blow up in your face and can down right suck. And some days you feel like you got this Mom thing down and you can parent ALLLLLL of the children.
Tonight, I let some sour spots get the best of me and ended my night in tears, frustration and anger. #human
My heart hurts because of it.
As patience runs out, as it did tonight, I can become undone.
I wish I had more grace, more patience, more understanding, just one more time.
I just didn’t have it in me tonight. One thing led to another which led to another and with the cumulative backup, something gave and emotions and words came spilling out.
Tonight I got angry and I yelled at my littlest and we went to bed angry with one another. I’m up at this late hour, trying to process some thoughts and think about what happened tonight.
And right now, I am feeling depleted, sad and disappointed. In myself. And in my little boo. But mostly, myself. We’ve all had those days. And will continue to have them. And in the midst of them, we continue to love our children, no matter what. And now, I’m trying to extend that same unconditional love, grace and forgiveness to myself.
At times, I feel that I am a damn good mom. Other times, I wish I had a do over. (Everyone feels this way, right?)
My do over will be tomorrow morning, when he wakes up, comes downstairs, gives me a hug and says “Hi Mommy.” I will then apologize and hug him right back, say hi and tell him that I love him so much and that I hope we have a better day today.
And then, I will tell myself that I’m blessed to be his mom. I’m so happy to be his mom. I make mistakes. I’m not perfect. And that today is a new day to get to do it over. I will give myself grace and the forgiveness and the love to have at it another day.
Parenting is a journey, not a destination. There will be lots of twists and turns, going the wrong way and having to turn around, stopping to get a fill up to continue to get back at it.
Grace, forgiveness and love. For your family. But, most importantly, for yourself.